Copyright 2007 by Valentine J. Brkich (First printed in the Oct. 2007 edition of The Point Magazine, Wexford, PA)
Nothing can prepare you for childbirth. No birthing book, no birthing class, no birthing veteran can accurately depict the chaos you will encounter when your female counterpart finally goes into labor. Believe me; I’m speaking from experience.
For months now my wife and I have been making preparations for the arrival of our first child. We’ve read all the best books on pregnancy and delivery, especially those focusing on natural childbirth. We’ve been exercising and watching videos and listening to experts and practicing relaxation techniques, all so that when the moment finally arrived we’d be ready for anything. How naïve of us.
My wife went into labor at 1:30 a.m. on September 20—her actual due date. This, of course, took us by surprise because nobody actually gives birth on their due date. At first, since her contractions were mild, she allowed me to continue to sleep so that I could save up my energy. You see, I was the “coach,” and it would be my job to support her throughout the whole process. We would soon discover, however, that my coaching skills would amount to diddly-squat once the real contractions began. Then I would change from coach to horrified spectator.
By 6:30 a.m. the contractions had become much stronger and closer together, so we packed up the Sorento and took off for the hospital. At this time my wife was in major discomfort, but nothing she couldn’t handle. This was going to be a piece of cake. After all, we had read a lot of books.
By 8:00 a.m. my wife was 6-7 cm dilated and progressing rapidly. Apparently we had purchased the Express Delivery Package. This is when the contractions ceased being mildly uncomfortable and suddenly became excruciating. I could tell this by my wife’s bone-crushing grasp of my hand, her bloodcurdling screams and the fact that her eyeballs were now protruding from their sockets. For a moment I questioned the decision not to use drugs. But then I decided to just tough it out.
By 9:00 a.m. my wife was fully dilated, i.e., she wanted me dead. It was at this time when I sensed she was ready to push. I knew this because I had read a lot about the delivery process, and also because she kept screaming, “I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO PUSH!” Moments later the doctor entered the room, looked down at my wife, and in a very nonchalant way said, “Oh look, there’s the head.” Two pushes later and my daughter’s head—all purple and slimy—popped out into the world. Fortunately her body followed shortly thereafter.
It was the most frightening, exhausting, confusing and amazing experience of my life. I imagine it was somewhat taxing on my wife as well. Finally, after months and months of waiting, here was our new baby daughter, Antonella. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, purple slime and all.
Now we enter the new and exciting world of parenthood—a world of poopie diapers, disappearing binkies and long, sleepless nights. Some would say the hard part is just beginning. I’m not worried, however. Remember, I’ve read a lot of books.
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