A Baby Changes Everything

Copyright 2007 by Valentine J. Brkich (First printed in the Nov. 2007 edition of The Point Magazine, Wexford, PA)

Whenever you have a baby you are suddenly bombarded with advice from other parents. They all want to tell you exactly what you can expect and how you should deal with things as they happen. Apparently all you have to do to become an expert on child rearing is to have a child.

There’s one particular piece of “advice” that you receive so much during the first few weeks that it’s enough to make you sick: “A baby changes everything.” This phrase comes at you from every direction. You can’t avoid it. Other parents seem fiendishly happy to impart this sage advice on you, as if they’re the first to break it to you that you having a baby may change your life a little. Thanks for the info.

What’s funny to me is how each parent that tells you this seems to think that they’re dropping some sort of information bombshell on you. They assume you have no clue that introducing a tiny, fragile, 100-percent dependent, 24-hour-a-day crying and pooping machine into your life just may put a slight damper on your carefree, do-whatever-you-want-when-you-want, self-indulgent lifestyle.

Honestly, I’m not sure if everything changes when you have a baby, but there are certainly a lot of things that do.

One of the more notable changes, at least in my house, has been with my ability to move around freely. Before the baby, I’d stomp around my house whenever and wherever I wanted without ever thinking about the sound of my steps or the floorboards creaking. Now, however, I can tell you exactly where every creaky floorboard is and what path you must take to avoid it.

You see, when you have a baby and you somehow manage to get it to fall asleep, it’s like a magic trick. Once you’ve accomplished this incredible feat, you’ll do anything to keep that baby asleep for as long as possible just so you can get a few things done. If this means tiptoeing through your house as if it were a minefield, so be it.

With my creaky hardwood floors, I’ve had to learn how to move around my house with the skill of an Indian hunter. If I have to get passed my baby while she’s napping in her crib, I must become like a ninja and move silently. One misstep and she could wake up, effectively ending another brief moment of freedom.

A couple times after putting her down for a nap I’ve actually crawled out of the living room like a Special Forces commando, hugging the ground, lest she catch a glimpse of me and suddenly realize that the nap was my idea and not hers.

Of course, this is just one of the many changes you experience with a baby in the house. I refuse, however, to be like everyone else and say that “everything changes.” Once you become comfortable being a parent and your baby develops a sleeping schedule, your life returns somewhat back to normal. That is, as long as “normal” to you is rushing around like a crazy person to get everything accomplished in a short period of time, while tip-toeing around your own house like a cat burglar.

Valentine Brkich is a freelance writer and now a master ninja. Check out his website today at www.BrkichWriting.com.